The Land

written April 30, 2018

the land

Today, I listed The Land

Daddy’s Land

and I cried

and I prayed

and I surrendered

Today, my brother drove The Truck

the ’53 Chevy, their truck

His and Daddy’s

and I cried

and I prayed

and I surrendered

Today, I asked my Brother

“am doing the right thing?”

“I’m sorry I am so emotional.”

“I am proud of you

and I can’t wait to see The Truck.”

“. . . to ride in The Truck,” he says.

He’s exhausted yet can’t explain his energy

“The Holy Spirit,” I say.

He wants free of The Land

I long for it.

I explain, maybe for the first time . . .

The Land

and Daddy

rescued me

from my little girl nightmares

He says he understands

and I pray Daddy does as well,

for

today,

I listed The Land

 

The everlasting presence of absence

When my Daddy left this world four years ago, he left a permanent scar on my heart, but I will not allow his absence on this Earth rob me of his everlasting presence in my life. Daddy’s spirit is with me every day; his love and guidance and kindness remain in each of us who still love and miss him.

Today, my brother, nephew, and I ate lunch at Ferrell’s, Daddy’s favorite, and then we played and visited for three hours at Linton beach. We ended the day at Daddy’s tree, the pine tree we planted three years ago when we buried his ashes on his land. It was a good day, and I think we’ve started a new tradition of honoring our Dad by being together and celebrating his presence, his spirit, which lives in each of us, especially in the heart of a three-year-old. I thank God each day for helping me through this journey of grief so that the weight of it does not suffocate me but pushes me to grow in His love.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday, Daddy:  July 18, 2016

Today, I celebrate You.

My Dad.

My Teacher.

My Friend.

Today, I celebrate You,

complete with Swiss Steak, mashed potatoes, and ice-cream cake

Today, I celebrate you

because you gave me a life in this world

and taught me the beauty of an eternal life in Heaven above

Today, I celebrate you,

wishing I could hear your voice and feel your embrace

taking in your lasting scent on that ever worn shirt

Today, I celebrate you

with tears and sorrow

joy and laughter

longing and knowing

In today’s celebration of You, I thank you

for who I am

for how I think

for what I believe

Today, you should be 63

but instead you are free

Today, Daddy, I wish you a Happy Birthday from here below

and pray for continued grace and growth

for all of us you left behind

Today, and Everyday

I love You

I miss You

I celebrate You

by Angela Drennan St.Clair